The Cyclonus Diaries
by Pivot
Summary: Armada: What's bad fanfiction like for the characters in it? Incredibly silly, as it happens...
1. Week 1

_Disclaimer: Hasbro owns the Transformers, else I would be a much richer person. This is the rewritten version with a purpose, a plot, and some bits replaced. And much more added._

_This is a parody of the average badfic, not focusing specifically on the Sue(s) involved, because I found it more entertaining to toss in as many aspects of badfic in general as I could and see what happened. Sues aren't the only problem, after all, and they come in too many flavours to use just one example. Besides, it let us use the likes of Smokescreen more often. What more can you ask?_

_Overuse of capitals and punctuation in earlier entries may be attributed to the parody thing, as can the really silly plot devices. I just want to point out that they're there on purpose._

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Editor's Note:

Many questions have been asked about the sequence of events that took place on Earth before the coming of Unicron. Most people are aware that something odd happened, but what it was remains unclear. Not even I can provide a definite answer to the question of 'why', but my purpose in compiling this report is to provide some insight into the 'what'. Who will read it depends on the security level attached to it by the Information Security Board (or the appropriate successor authority, should the ISB be disbanded before submission), but I hope that any reader will gain from the process.

I have chosen to base the core of this record around the journal of Cyclonus, a Decepticon with whom at least a few readers will be familiar. This is partly because it records the events more accurately and completely than the official records (see my note on week three for an example of this); it is also because his journal provides the most complete (and readily available) record for the time frame (most others do not have an entry for each day, for example; nearly all have entries which cannot be included for security reasons).

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**Week One**

**Cyclonus's Journal**

**Day 1**

Uh… what do I do with this? Demolisher just said to use it, he didn't say what to put in it. I guess I might as well, now he's thrown it at me…

Well, come on! I'm bored! Besides, I think Megatron has something like this. I dunno what he uses it for, but hey, I guess it works for him… whatever it is.

It's slagging freezing in here... OK, so the place has no air or heat: of course it's gonna be cold!

Anyway, gotta go; it looks like something's happening.

**Day 2**

My…head... A Minicon panel activated yesterday. Guess who got shot up? Huh! Maybe next time Megatron won't send me in to take on every Autobot on the field. At least, I hope so. I'm starting to feel like one of those suicide guys...

Besides, the Autobots seem to be on to something. They brought along a new human to the battle. I only noticed because I almost flattened it when I crashed. And then...whatsisname...Jetfire?...oh no, it was Hot Shot… started yelling something like 'Tara, are you alright?'

Something like that, anyway. Huh. Do I ever get asked if I'm even alive? Nooo! Do I get blown to pieces half the time? Yes! I don't just stand around yelling 'You can do it!' all the time; I actually have to DO stuff!

Still, I guess there's gotta be something to this mascot/cheerleader thing, because the defeat yesterday was really embarrassing, even for us. I mean, normally we only just barely lose when we do, which figures, seeing as the Autobots are a bunch of wusses.

Hey, maybe I'll mention this idea to Megatron. Dunno where we'd get cheerleaders, though…

**Day 3**

Another battle today. Pretty much a repeat of last time. Funny, that; I could have sworn Megatron and Prime were reusing the same lines.

Oh, and I learned something new. That new human is REALLY creepy. Megatron ordered me to hold it hostage, right? So I did. Well, anyway, I picked it up and it started complaining. So I told it to shut up – it's whining was really getting to me. That, and it was making some comments along the lines of 'the Autobots'll kick yer ass!' Sure. Like that's gonna happen.

AND I was right! The slagging 'bots never got near me! The friggin' HUMAN did something! It sort of screwed up its face, and I was watching (well, imagine if it had died while I was trying to use it as a hostage, the squishies on Forbis used to do that a lot).

Then some kind of energy wave hits me, and next thing I know, I'm flat on my back and the slagging fleshie's sniggering! How is that fair?!

And Demolisher caught it, too; he's still in repairs.

**Megatron's Log**

**(Day 3)**

This makes no sense. How, I ask, HOW does one blasted primate manage to slag TWO of my officers?! Well, technically they're officers, they're here, after all…

It was ridiculous! ...I have to find out how.

But anyway, we were beaten by a human, FEMALE CHILD!

Hang on an astrocycle- when did I start caring about gender?

When did I start thinking about gender?

…When did I start noticing what gender a fleshling was?

Oh, for Primus' sake. It's the planet. It must be that blasted planet. There seems to be some kind of disease here that affects Transformers. It would explain so much... We're competent until we go planet-side, and then everyone else turns into a group of complete idiots.

Of course, it could just be my worthless minions, but they were a vaguely functional team until we arrived here. Maybe I should have the techs on Cybertron check the warp gate we used…

At least I remain unchanged and capable as ever.

**Cyclonus's Journal**

**Day 4**

British Gas called. They said they're sorry but they're unable to operate off-planet. That buggers that, then.

Megatron said something about another plot. If he doesn't stop hinting soon and actually tell us what he's planning, I think Starscream's gonna throttle him with the paint bills.

**Megatron's Log**

**(Day 4)**

I found a note tacked to the end of my last entry. It reads 'Not for long, boyo! BWAHAHAHAHAH!'

Needless to say, I want an explanation.

**Cyclonus's Journal **

**Day 5**

Yippee, a new day, another slagging punch-up. Strange –there's a lot more hand-to-hand combat these days. It evens things out a bit; the Autobots can't shoot to save their lives. They've got amazing aim when saving everyone ELSE'S lives, though.

The good news is, we know more about the enemy. The bad news is, the enemy has us seriously outgunned. Which is weird, seeing as we're the ones with the lasers and fusion cannons and things.

You know the creepy human? Well... it's a demon, only not a proper one – some kind of Earth demon. I'm not joking. It torched Demolisher earlier. I'd feel sorry for him if I wasn't dismembered myself.

**Day 6**

Tax forms came in. Fun-ness. I can see the future for the next fourteen hours. How come I always get volunteered for this stuff?

Still; mustn't complain – Starscream's got the mop. How the slag am I supposed to get any work done when he's using a duster in the same room?

Teheheh... it's very funny. I've gotta be quiet, though; the resident ego doesn't appreciate witnesses to his humiliation. It's his own fault, though.

**Starscream's Log**

**(Day 6)**

What was I thinking? How the Pit did I think that trying to tackle that demon-thing while surrounded by Autobots would help matters? What the slag came over me?

And Megatron isn't making the embarrassment any easier. I'd swear he didn't decide this. And when I find out who does, they'll wish they'd never seen a mop…

**Cyclonus's Journal **

**Day 7**

Ow... I hate it when I wind up napping on duty.

Well... the forms are done, at least.

Slaggit, how much recharge DID I miss last night? It's the same every time... I end up staying up late to finish off the paperwork, then keep slipping into recharge (humans call it 'sleep': weird word, but fun to say) while on duty.

Embarrassing or what?

Oh, SLAG. That alarm's going off again.

I really, really hope this is a false alert.

**Megatron's Log**

**(Day 7)**

Hah! Now is our chance to gain a major advantage over the Autobots! If we can capture that demon-thing...

Wait... that's a stupid plan.

What the Pit am I thinking? And why can't I seem to stop brooding over that whole super-human business? I mean, why should I care that Prime has a new pet? It's not like it's THAT much of a help...

**(Later)**

Forget what I said earlier. Just forget it.

**Cyclonus's Journal **

**Day 7**

**(Later)**

It got me again... why? And Megatron too. Demolisher... don't ask. I'm not squeamish, but those damages were... pretty nasty, to put it really mildly. The guy's lucky he was in stasis lock during the repairs.

Oh, yeah, and Starscream's got lines to do.

**Starscream's Log**

**(Day 7)**

'I will not ignore my commander in order to seek vengeance on horrible little squishy things.'

'I will not disregard orders in the midst of battle in order to step on semi-human annoyances.'

'I will not continually embarrass Megatron with displays of misconduct simply to satisfy my own thirst for splattered organics on the floor."

'I am not merely repeating variations of the line I was set to copy out 5,000,000 times.'

'No matter what Cyclonus says, my CPU is not stuck and I do not need a trip to repairs.'

'Cyclonus will shut up now or else HE will require therapy.'

'Cyclonus will apologise if he wishes his face to be removed from the wall.'

'I will refrain from vandalising the base in the course of disciplining inferiors.'

'Particularly just as Megatron walks into the room.'


	2. Week 2

**Week Two**

**Cyclonus's Journal**

**Day 8**

Some old guy called Scavenger showed up last night. He's supposed to have trained a bunch of Autobots, and he annoyed Megatron, I think. And now the others are talking about some shield we've got to get. Somehow that's just not as cool as going looking for an ultimate sword or whatever the Star Sabre's meant to be.

And there was another fight today. At least Starscream got angry enough to snap out of the 'line-writing' mode he was stuck in. That was getting really annoying. And I don't think Megatron will set him that detention again.

Uh... OK, I admit it was probably a bad idea to poke fun at his log entry. My face still hurts. I guess I should be thankful Megatron showed up at that point.

As for today...

Have I mentioned that I hate humans?

**Megatron's Log**

**(Day 8)**

They've got another ally. Only this one's purple and isn't even _supposed_ to be human. Some motorcycle by the name of Sideways. This might be an unexpected bonus, though. That demon-thing doesn't appear to trust him. You can tell. It's not hard, really. Maybe, if we're really lucky, they'll accidentally trap themselves in their base and finish each other off.

Of course, never trust to luck...

Oh, and some mercenary called Scavenger joined us yesterday. Apart from being irritating (who isn't, around here?), he's a decent chap but needs, in the words of Cyclonus to 'lighten up a little'. The fact that I steadfastly refuse to do so is entirely beside the point.

**Rad's Diary**

**(Day 8)**

Hey, me again. You're not gonna believe this! A new Autobot joined the team! (I was beginning to think we'd scared them all off.) His name's Sideways, and he and Tanya get along REALLY well! How can I tell?

Well, it's the way they always seem to look at each other and grin. I reckon they're best pals already!

Well…Um, unless they're going to rip each other's heads off the first time they're alone. It could be that, too, I guess.

**Sideways' Report**

**(Day 8)**

Joined the Autobots. Damn nuisances, the lot of them. At least it means free room and board... Oh, right. One of the humans has some creepy obsession with me. She keeps... staring at me. Of course, my perfectly natural response is to glare back. We get into these snarling, in her case fang-baring, glaring matches.

She knows something. This can't be good.

Either that, or... no. She can't be a motorcycle enthusiast, can she? Tell me I don't look like a collector's piece… oh, thanks, Master.

**Cyclonus's Journal  
Day 9**

(A/N: According to my research, this day coincides with the human celebration of 'Thanksgiving'. Curious readers may refer to the recently released 'Customs and Popular Culture of Earth, Volume 1' for more information on this.)

Sent a few threatening letters in the spirit of the season. Nuclear Power has failed us again and again. I don't care if they're located ON the planet, I just want them to stop whining and fix the slagging heating!

**Day 10**

Another friggin' battle. At this rate, I'm gonna have to get a new vid-game if I want to get any victories in.

Demolisher got knocked into stasis in less than three seconds this time. Megatron's got a cracked optic (? How?) and as for me ... have you ever tried writing with one hand and half a leg in total? The Minicons aren't a lot of help either; most of them got blasted, too. I call that overkill. Stupid human/demon/thing...

Scavenger disappeared from the face of the moon. The moon is slagging grateful.

Starscream's the only undamaged one (HOW? I have to find his secret!) so he's doing everything for us. I wonder how long I can make that last.

**Scavenger's Journal  
Day 10**

Spent the day sorting out the insurance forms for the _Exodus_. It's a good thing the company's still in business. Anyhow, the Decepticons haven't realised I'm really here to assess the damage and put in a claim on the ship, so they haven't bothered me yet. Of course, the Minicons are the ones going to get the money, but they've promised me a good cut if I get the Autobots to pay up.

I did do a bit of spying for Prime, too. If I can find out why the armoury's just been done out in gingham fabric before I go, I'll count the mission worthwhile.

**Cyclonus's Journal  
Day 11**

Scavenger's back. Um. Dark today. Which probably means it's night. It's hard to tell up here. Er.

Slaggit, why can't I talk straight?! And-

…Why the Pit am I see-through round the edges?

**Megatron's Log**

**(Day 11)**

Once again, I must waste valuable time breaking up a quarrel between my troops. Oh, Starscream may have claimed to be 'helping' Cyclonus, but all he was doing was fighting when I arrived. Admittedly, Cyclonus was whining about turning transparent, but he wasn't even blurry at the edges when I looked.

Come to think of it, though, I haven't seen Demolisher all day…

Cyclonus's Journal  
Day 12 

Just got out of detention. Had to write an essay on 'the values of harmony, peace and privacy'. I think that last one was meant for Starscream, actually. He sure seemed stuck on it. Mind you, he had a pre-written copy of the first two parts. I'd better tell Megatron he's been cheating detention.

...Nah, maybe some other time. He's still mad at me for whacking him over the head and shooting him in the foot (that second bit was by accident, though I didn't tell him that!). I think I'm getting better from whatever it was that was holding up my fighting.

Anyway, if he doesn't want to get hurt, he'd better leave my journal alone! Slag, I hate essays…

**Buzzsaw's Private Log**

**(Day 12)**

Oh slag. Oh slag. Oh slag. I just downloaded my copy of Lostblades's _Ethics_ into Starscream's head by mistake. And I was only supposed to be straightening out his helmet. I hope it doesn't have an effect, otherwise I'm going to have to find a way to fix it. And not be killed.

Whoa, calm yourself, Buzzy. Maybe nobody'll notice.

**Demolisher's Log**

**(Day 12)**

Starscream's running around slicing rocks and moaning about 'morals'. Should I tell Megatron his second-in-command's losing it, or should I just hit Starscream over the head and see if it fixes him? (Hey, it works for every other cheap computer around here.)

**Megatron's Log**

**(Day 12)**

All is proceeding as planned: nothing's happening, which is just as well because we don't have a plan. Also, Demolisher is convinced that Starscream's behaving even more irrationally than usual.

HEY! I mean... that's a thought. If Starscream's cracked, maybe I can declare him unfit for duty!

...On the other hand, who'd replace him? No, I don't want to know.

**Red Alert's Log**

**(Day 12)**

A prank war has erupted in the base. It's the humans again. Hot Shot's turning into a teenager-stereotype despite not being human; he's moping in his room. Probably angsting. At this rate he'll become depressive.

If I have to play confidant/psychiatrist to any more weepy humans or hung-up 'comrades', _I'm _going to become depressive!

**Cyclonus's Journal**

**Day 13**

Today we embarked on a really stupid mission to find another Minicon. I'm really starting to think it's not worth it.

The demon-thing showed up again. Only this time it didn't slag us.

The Minicon it found did.

(Sniffle) It's just all so futile!

Wait, 'sniffle'? What was that about?

**Megatron's Log**

**(Day 13)**

I have seen some outlandish things in my time. The list includes the inside of Hot Shot's quarters, the underwater city a while ago, Cyclonus in his strange form of recharge, and ranges from the hydrophobic sausage that Leader-One found somewhere and brought back to base this morning, to the three 'soldiers' I am currently expected to work with.

But the new Minicon outstrips even Optimus Prime and his trailer's many mutations in terms of weirdness. It is, put bluntly, bizarre.

I don't claim to be any kind of expert on Earth zoology, but from our recent research, I'm fairly certain that tigers don't come in metallic red and gold. Feathers, that is.

Also, Starscream was being particularly difficult today – or at least, I think he tried to be, but the damn Minicon zapped him before he could say much- Blast, the sausage just got away. I was hoping someone could run some tests on it or something... you'd be surprised what comes in handy...

**Sideways' Report**

**(Day 13)**

Wet today. Demon kid brought in some kinda' organic Minicon. Freak.

Speaking of Her, she's still eyeing me. It's not right, I'm telling you! I mean, if you sneak in under the guise of an ally, you've got your story perfect and everything, and you follow all the rules, _how_ is it fair that someone like _that_. can still tell? I'm pretty sure she's not trying to collect me now, but she's so stupid normally!

And she is really disturbing me...

**Cyclonus's Journal  
Day 14**

Megatron said he had a mission for us, OK? But, erm... I can't have heard him right, can I? Otherwise…

...Why are we hunting a sausage?

**Demolisher's Log**

**(Day 14)**

I know better than to question our leader, but isn't this 'chasing-the-squishy' thing, well, stupid?

And how can a human food item be hydrophobic?

And why is it afraid of water- oh, I remember, it's mad. Rabid or something. OK ... but Transformers can't get rabies, so it's no threat to us, right?

Right?

**Starscream's Log**

**(Day 14)**

You know, for once I don't care that Megatron's plan is ridiculous. Organics: they're all meat products to me. Well ... except this one's apparently already dead, so I don't honestly see the point in killing it.

Megatron says it may prove to be of use: an ultimate weapon of some sort.

Personally, I think he's just desperate.

Heheheheh... although I can easily see the Autobots being defeated by an un-dead sausage. And it's a very nice image indeed…

**Megatron's Log**

**(Day 14)**

Soon, sausage, SOON! In a very little time, you will be my tool. You, a mere puppet for my use, will allow me to vanquish the Autobots once and for all!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!

**Leader-One's Diary**

**(Day 14)**

Memo: Next time, must check energon myself. Search Starscream's quarters for substance he may have added to commander's supply.

If this proves fruitless, get rid of base's supply of caffeine/sugar. These substances seem to corrupt just by being in the same building.

Memo: Find out why base has a supply of caffeine/sugar. It's attracting vermin.

**Prime's Log**

**(Day 14)**

Everything appears to be going well, but I know how many people have said that before, and- wait…

Stupid plan…sense…tingling!

They're up to something…


	3. Week 3

**Week Three**

**Cyclonus's Journal**

**Day 15**

Still looking for sausage. This is really strange, even for this base.

Scavenger's Journal 

**(Day 15)**

Just got out of repairs from that last fight. No idea where everyone else is. There's nothing good on the television. Typical.

And the organics around here are useless. You can't even use them as hostages without them using 'Super Energy Attacks' or exploding-

Eh? What was that? Some little pink creature just ran by.

Like I said...

Optimus' log 

**(Day 15)**

Commander's log: no sign of Decepticons. Despite this, I can sense within my spark that Megatron is plotting something, seeking even now some dastardly weapon to use against us: my nose for fiendish stupid plans is never wrong…

**Megatron's Log**

**(Day 15)**

The sausage continues to evade us. It appears to know the base well, which leads me to wonder if it has been gnawing on Starscream's circuits. This would explain a lot.

**Starscream's Log**

**(Day 15)**

So far we've been unable to catch the organic at large in the base. In fact, we've lost track of it, which means it could be anywhere, even right behind me-Slagging meat-thing! Argh! It just _bit_ me! How is that even _possible_?! _And_ it got away!! (snarl) _GET BACK HERE NOW AND FIGHT LIKE A HAM- er, SAUSAGE!_

**Cyclonus's Journal**

**Day 16**

Well, the squishy's managed to keep one step, er, bounce, ahead of us. It's a pretty good guerrilla, too – I mean, it's managed to take us on for two days, even if we are working in shifts now, and we haven't done any damage to it.

Starscream's got a sore nose from where it bit him.

**Starscream's Log**

**(Day 16)**

Transformers can't get rabies… right? Only I don't remember the last time my nose hurt this much... oh, wait, on Borax. My memory's working after all. What joy.

**Megatron's Log**

**(Day 16)**

Right. If we don't capture it soon, we may have to use Starscream as bait. It seems to like mauling him for some reason.

That blasted sausage is proving to be more trouble than it's worth. What is it with the Autobots? Flesh-things queue up to help _them_, despite the fact that most organics are more inclined to follow our principles...

**Cyclonus's Journal**

**Day 17**

Not too much happened today, although...

... Have you ever seen a squishy take on four Decepticons at once (with non-existent weapons)...

... And WIN?

You know, I think I'd be more freaked out if I hadn't met the Autobots' pet.

Cyclonus's Journal 

**Day 18**

Scavenger's back. Well, technically, he came out and found us. We were all hunting the slagging squishy in the deepest depths of the base, so eventually he got tired of waiting and mounted a search party. Except the Minicons misunderstood him, so now they're somewhere down on Earth.

Huh. THEY get to go partying while we're ridding the base of a lethal menace! Well, it is if you ask Starscream, anyway.

Demolisher's Log 

**(Day 18)**

Well, we've explained the situation to Scavenger, and I'm beginning to think he's not taking it as seriously as he ought to. (Yeah, I know that's not much. But you take it a bit more seriously after it's kept you on the run for a few days.)

Anyway, he keeps doing stuff like looking into the air vents (why does our base have those? It's not like there's any air here, after all) and calling "Here, squishy squishy squishy!" Either he doesn't get it or he's taking the slag, and it's pretty obvious which one.

**Sideways' Report**

**(Day 18)**

I am really getting desperate. That frickin' kid keeps bumping into me! I'm afraid to turn a corner now!

WHY ME, PR-, uh, UNICRON!?

Oh, right. The qualifications. Sorry, Master...

**Red Alert's Log**

**(Day 18)**

Long Arm wants to redecorate the repair bay, and I think he's going to insist on paisley if I disagree. I told him- Oh, great. A scream. Again. What now?

**Tanya's Diary**

**(Day 18)**

Dear Diary,

I just had the biggest shock of my life! I went around the corner, and there was Sideways, talking to some guy called Unicorn! And then he turned around and saw me, and I thought, 'Oh my GOD!' And then I fainted.

Good thing Red Alert got there so fast. I mean, who knows what would have happened otherwise?

I _knew_ Sideways wasn't trustworthy! How can I convince the Autobots that he's a traitor?

**Smokescreen's Journal **

**(Day 18)**

Did I just see Red Alert trying to talk to Tanya? ('Demon-kid' is about right, if you ask me: the trouble that one causes isn't worth putting up with.) And was she really in hysterics? And did she really storm off in a righteous huff? And am I glad she's gone? Yep.

Poor ol' Red ... anyway, I'd better go do some repairs somewhere. Like that console the humans blew out earlier. I could've sworn they were all idiot-proofed.

**Red Alert's log**

**(Day 18)**

**(Later)**

I hate my life. I really do.

**Cyclonus's Journal**

**Day 19**

This is all so freaky...

We've given up hunting the squishy. Now it's a sort of honorary resident of the base. Some of the Minicons are back. And the sausage looks like it's taken a liking to Demolisher. Er, kind of.

…Well, it didn't rip his circuits out when it had the chance, anyway.

Hey! Watch it with that scanner! CRUMPLEZONE!

**Prime's Log**

**(Day 19)**

Primus help me! What is Megatron plotting?! The suspense is killing me and my stupid-plan sense is going berserk!

Right! There's only one cure for this, and that's a showy, over-dramatised good versus evil fight! Everyone to the warp gate!

**Tanya's Diary**

**(Day 18)**

We're going on a mission! And why is Sideways eyeing me like that? I bet he's up to something!

What is he planning?

**Sideways' Report**

**(Day 19)**

What the slag does she want? I daren't let her out of my sight; who knows what she's planning to do to me?

And we're on a mission! Yes! In the confusion, I can sneak off somewhere and get some peace and quiet! Go somewhere safe... like... Megatron's quarters...

**Starscream's Log**

**(Day 19)**

Fine, so the slagging organic likes Demolisher and likes to chew me. I can live with that.

But why do the Minicons have to use this as an excuse to shove scanners at us just when we least expec- ow! Swindle! You little-

-Entry becomes incomprehensible at this point-

**Cyclonus's Journal**

**Day 20**

Well, at least things are a bit more normal. It's getting late now, so I should probably be getting some recharge...

Oh, hang on - I hate that alarm- wait, forget what I said at the start of this. When the alarm goes, you know it's bad. Or about to be.

**Jolt's Diary**

**(Day 20)**

Heheh ... Blackout was just telling me how the Decepticon Minicons have been bothering the larger 'cons with scanners. They've been using the excuse of finding out why the sausage (I don't think I heard that bit right) only likes Demolisher. (snigger)

Oh, gotta sign off, Hot Shot's calling. Probably needs rescuing again- oh, powerlink, great…

**Fred's Diary**

**(Day 20)**

Ever since Tanya showed up, everyone's been ignoring me except when I point out it's nearly lunchtime. I thought they were being jerks, but… I'm starting to think they actually can't hear me. I've been trying all day to get messages to the others by hiding it inside talk about snacks, but they only listen to the bits about food. And then they laugh at me for it. It's so weird.

And, Carlos grabbed the last packet of chips, it's really cold up here, and there's nothing to do except listen to the others- Hey, what's that?

**Cyclonus's Journal **

**Day 21**

Well, I guess the Autobots just couldn't handle us, 'cause they ran off pretty quick! Nobody got any real damage, so we're cleaning up and counting the Minicons, just in case. I said I'd do that, but Megatron told Starscream to do it, too. It's like he doesn't trust us to even count on our own. Anyway, I think they're all here. Still feels like something's missing, though…

**Demolisher's Log**

**(Day 21)**

NO! NOT the sausage! Why, Primus, why?

I was really getting to like it, you know? Loyal, vicious, and very good for threatening the others with. (Except for Megatron, of course).

But now that slagging HUMAN has to steal it! And we all know what that lot do with hapless food items ...

**Starscream's Log**

**(Day 21)**

Whoops, man down.

Well, not MAN, as such…

Nonetheless, this does pose an interesting dilemma. As it isn't a true Decepticon, are we obliged to respond to its capture as we would to anyone else's – by expending as much effort as necessary to recover it safely? Or is it better to sacrifice it in the name of preserving our own lives?

…Wait, what am I talking about, and why do I keep wanting to help the stupid thing?

**Megatron's Log**

**(Day 21)**

**(Later)**

No! I will NOT stand idly by and allow the Autobots to chew out one of my soldiers! That's MY job!

Prime may have retreated, but we will do what it takes to rescue that sausage!

Fear not, sausage, we are coming for you!


	4. Week 4

**Week Four**

**Cyclonus's Journal**

**Day 22**

This mission we're on is so stupid ... on the other hand, it IS a 'fellow Decepticon'... Well, anyway, we're stuck somewhere in the Autobot base, and can you believe this: we're lost? They don't even use most of this place; it's friggin' huge!

And would you believe the power's gone out back at base? Stupid squishy companies...

**Starscream's Log**

**(Day 22)**

Nothing of our current situation makes any sense. We're going to rescue Demolisher's pet. Madness! It's a mere ... _organic_. Do we really have to go get it back? Is it that important?

Is it really worth the pain?

Why do I keep thinking 'yes'?

**Megatron's Log**

**(Day 22)**

Perfect. Our most effective weapon is in the hands of the Autobots. Ah, well, we'll soon have it back, and then, once it's trained properly, we'll send it over to their side again.

Not that they'll _want_ it then... on the other hand, I'm having second thoughts about this plan. For some reason I can't change my mind. Something about 'the little thing's grown on me' or similar. Strange. Normally I'd ignore it on principle, but it's as though the clause is built into the very fabric of my existence. And why, every time my thoughts take a turn towards insightfulness, do I get an urge to cause random violence and mayhem? How odd… still, when animate offal tubes can qualify as soldiers, I don't know why I'm surprised – of course, I'd never let the stupid child into _my_ army.

**Smokescreen's Journal**

**(Day 22)**

Finally, a quiet moment, and I find someone handling contraband goods. Fred brought an alien back to base – from what's supposed to be an uninhabited moon – and I can't be bothered to confiscate it. Nobody's going to notice whether I do or not, and I don't think it'll cause that much damage before it dies. Still, typical, really. Next thing you know, the Decepticons will attack and I'll end up with MORE work to do.

**Fred's Diary **

**(Day 22)**

If this works, I might be able to get a message to the outside world. I have to cook the sausage, so it'll count as food, and then I can try using it to get the others' attention. They only pay attention to food, so if I get it to take a message to them, there's a better chance of them reading it.

Anyway, let's see: turn it in the pan for an even- DECEPTICONS! Hey, that's my escape plan! Give it-

-Recording terminated-

**Blackout's Journal**

**(Day 22)**

Whew, today was weird! We got that meat-thing back – well, I got it first. For a moment I thought the squishy'd drowned in oil, but then it rose up like ... like ... like a hideous, uh, wormy thing!

Then it bit me. (To tell the truth, I think it was annoyed at having its bath disturbed.)

Anyway, it squeaked at me a lot, and then it started bouncing all over the place before it would come home. It took me ages to get the grease off of my paint… but I guess victory is victory, even if it is snatched from a frying pan.

**Starscream's Log**

**(Day 22)**

**(Later)**

I can_not_ believe what I did. It makes no sense. It is simply, basically, self-evidently obvious that I couldn't possibly have intervened in the middle of the battle and spouted all that rusty scrap about honour and justice and _thank Primus_ Megatron punched me after the first three minutes…

If he weren't afraid to come near me and maybe catch morals, I'd be in even deeper slag than I am now.

Also, I intend to contact Primus and ask him to mercifully rip my optics out so my recent life will stop flashing before them.

**Editor's note:** The battle which takes place on day 22 is an excellent example of the discrepancy between official records and actual events. Both factions record it as a victory, since the Autobots interpreted it as an attempted invasion: as this record shows, it was, technically, a Decepticon success. Whether it can be considered an Autobot loss is debatable.

**Cyclonus's Journal**

**Day 23**

Well, yesterday was ... weird. (Starscream was so funny it was creepy.) Although we pretty much won for once, mostly 'cause the Autobots were so surprised we'd come after them. I'd almost agree with that.

It would all have been perfect if some human hadn't come crashing through the roof (lousy Autobot roofs) while we were down there and landed in front of Crumplezone. It's just lucky Minicon-sized tanks are heavy enough to squish humans, 'cause I have a horrible feeling I might have picked it up…

**Megatron's Log**

**(Day 23)**

Hmm ... well, the real test will come next time we face the Autobots, but for now, the sausage appears to be a worthy ally. Especially after it bit that human. Repeatedly.

The semi-cooking appears to have stabilised the virus somewhat, with the result that we now have a half-tame, slightly more civilised creature. It seems to have attached itself to Blackout and Demolisher, perhaps because they rescued it from a greasy death. Or maybe- Urgh, forget trying to explain senseless happenings. At any rate, I'm starting to feel a bit embarrassed about the whole incident ...

No. After all, it's a fairly ordinary object in comparison to that ridiculous demon-thing and her Minicon. And I believe the expression goes: 'fight fire with fire'...

**Prime's Log**

**(Day 23)**

All right, so I was wrong about the fiendish plan the other day. But how was I to know? All my instincts were telling me they were up to something stupid, and I've no doubt they were right. It just so happened that the stupid plan I sensed wasn't also a fiendish one.

Speaking of which, my Stupid-Plan-Sense is going off again. This time, though, I think it's got more to do with Liftor's plan to paint Sparkplug in pinstripes than the Decepticons. It's fascinating, the things you can learn if you bug the rec. room.

Unicron's Records 

**(Day 23)**

Sideways seems to be getting a little paranoid. Last time he called in to report, he was under a table at the time. Odd.

Still, better get back to work. Hatred and darkness won't perpetuate themselves, you know ... well, of course I do.

**Cyclonus's Journal**

**Day 24**

How does a Minicon end up in the roof of a cathedral? We had to send the sausage in for it, and then ... OK, I kind of like that little squishy now. It scorched that demon's supernatural rear BIG TIME! Not that it was a really spectacular duel-to-the-death, but damn fun to watch!

Minicons are gonna be a lot easier to find with it around to distract the 'bots ... which means I won't have to play decoy any more! And 'cos I've got a good vehicle mode for it, I'll be sent to search for panels, which means _I _get to randomly torch and explode stuff!

Oh yeah. Being a 'copter rocks.

**Megatron's Log**

**(Day 24)**

WE WON! HAH! IN YOUR FACE, PRIME! WE WON! WE- ahem. Please excuse me, can't think what came over me there ...

Funny. Since we won, things have been so much clearer... Things are going to get back on track around here. Even if I have to lock the others in a room with Scavenger until they obey.

**Demolisher's Log**

**(Day 24)**

Another fight... but we won! Mostly thanks to the sausage, too, which is stupid, but somehow makes sense, in a weird way. Even more strange is, well... I feel so _proud_ ... the best part was when it started attacking the humans. I've always wanted to do that. They got away, but I guess there's always next time ...

**Cyclonus's Journal **

**Day 25**

I ran into a couple of humans on patrol today and brought them back, just in case Megatron wanted to do the hostage thing again. He didn't. I got yelled at again., so I threw them out the airlock.

Nothing else really happened today... unless you count having to stop Starscream from killing Scavenger... from killing Megatron... everyone... pretty normal day, actually.

**Starscream's Log**

**(Day 25)**

Who put Demolisher in charge of the patrol roster? He keeps assigning me to some island off one of the northern continents. I have _tried _explaining TO Megatron, calmly and rationally, that fresh air is all very well and good but _not _when said air stinks of a foul substance I think is called 'slurry'!

I'm not alone in the room. That feeble excuse for a 'flier' keeps giggling. More to the point, he keeps glancing at me and giggling. Is he writing about me again?

**Demolisher's Log**

**(Day 25)**

Starscream's chasing Cyclonus and threatening to feed him his rotor. Cyclonus is yelling something about freedom of speech. I wonder which of them insulted the other in his entry _this_ time... right, well, I'm just glad Megatron isn't interested in the patrol roster, or I'd have to explain why Lord-I'm-Megatron's-Right-Hand keeps getting the same area. I don't think Megatron would care that the 'second-in-command' always gives me cleaning duty.

I've just thought of something: so what if Starscream's Megatron's right hand? Maybe Megatron is left-handed! Or ambidextrous! Yeah, probably that last one. Anyway, maybe I'll send Starscream to 'Borneo'. Lots of flying insects there, I think. I can always trade shifts with Cyclonus...

**Tanya's Diary**

**(Day 25)**

Dear Diary,

I'm just about to find out exactly what that dirty stalker Sideways is up to. I'll sneak into his quarters and find some evidence to prove he's working in league with, uh, Unicorn or whatever his name is...

Anyhow, gotta go!

**Sideways' Report**

**(Day 25)**

Came back to find HER in my quarters! My worst fears are confirmed...

... SHE'S A STALKER!!!

-The rest of this recording has been removed-

**Red Alert's Log**

**(Day 25)**

Shall I describe the room at this moment? Fine. Let's see... Sideways whimpering in a chair, while I'm trying to find out what's going on... Fred and Billy busy with some half-baked plan, Laserbeak using the main console as a perch and zapping Smokescreen, who's trying to get him off, Sparkplug discussing tactics with Long Arm, Liftor and Jolt... and according to High Wire, Hot Shot's just gotten himself beaten severely by the Air Defence Team.

Everything seems normal, even in control if you ask Optimus... I've advised Sideways to spend some time away from the base. It might help.

**Cyclonus's Journal**

**Day 26**

Things've gotten quieter around here since we got the sausage back. But at least we don't see it that often. Megatron thinks it spends most of its time in the walls. He's really gonna be mad if it chews through some wires.

At least he didn't find out about the human I picked up today. I swear, I didn't even realise I had it 'til I got back to base and it started yelling for a blanket. I didn't want to get yelled at, so I just dumped it out the third airlock before anyone noticed.

**Day 27**

Went on patrol, blew up some rocks, had a close encounter with some kind of bird, hit a fly instead. At least the splatter marks are smaller: feathers are so hard to get out of my cockpit...

Oh yeah. The um, the freezer outside the airlock's got a bit more full. If it gets much bigger, I'm gonna try selling the frozen bodies online; I heard humans recycle them if they're frozen well enough. And it's really cold outside.

**Cyclonus's Journal**

**Day 28**

Dumb patrol. Stupid humans can't even manage their own airspace: some jet almost ran into me! Just 'cause I happened to be above the recommended patrol altitude...

There's another one in the freezer. How the slag do they get in? I had to chase it all round the base until it fell through the floor. And then I had to scrape it up. The place it hit is starting to smell, too.

At least it's only in the labs. Nobody ever uses those, so I don't have to bother cleaning out all the human bits in the corners. I just turn the heating down, and they're frozen, and nobody ever finds out.


	5. Week 5

**Week Five**

**Cyclonus's Journal**

**Day 29**

We were going to have another training session today, but we got bored and messed around with the hologram thingy instead. Starscream knows how it works (I'm not sure why) so we played around with enemy colour schemes and messed with scenarios. It kept us busy, so maybe Megatron's being careful to ignore it. I kinda' wish the Minicon's'd hurry up and activate, or the war'll be over by the time we find enough…

Demolisher got out of training today because he's turned green and he says he feels like his fuel tank's full of sludge. The Minicons are trying to figure out what to do with him. I hope it doesn't spread. It's hard enough trying to catch the fleshies without changing colours, too.

**Sideways' Report**

**(Day 29)**

Weather today wetter than the Autobot and Decepticon forces combined, so the floor's covered in puddles. Autobots with mops are even more pathetic a sight then usual. Pointed this out to Hot Shot. After explaining smashed datapad to Prime, Hot Shot was sent to 'Sahara Desert' to 'cool off'. I was sent with him to 'reduce' risk of Tragic Quicksand Accident. Put in a bit of effort by foreshadowing at him, so he can have a flashback later. Then we had a race. Sadly, failed to locate any quicksand in vicinity.

Returned to find that Red Alert had banned all organics from base due to their tracking mud all over the place. Organic Minicon-creature was sent back with 'owner'; is probably sulking in corner and stinking out house with wet feathers/fur even now.

Life is good.

**Tygerflame's Gripe List**

**(Day 29)**

Someday I am going to find the person responsible for this and make their life very miserable indeed.

A long time ago (or so it seems) I was a nice person. Then I found out what it was like to have feathers. Now I just want someone to chew. To make matters worse, that _brat_ suggested she ride me in yesterday's training session. In _flight! _I said that unfortunately I had solemnly vowed never to end up as a twelve-foot-deep hole in the ground. Especially not one with a few scattered feathers around it. As _if _I could fly with these puny wings!)

Did I mention my name is still dumb? And my transform makes me want to turn myself in to the nearest taxidermist? And every other Minicon in the base has either contributed to the support fund they've started up for me, or the betting pool on when a poacher shoots me.

**Cyclonus's Journal **

**Day 30**

Just spent the whole day picking up bits of wall, because Starscream complained that there aren't enough of us and we need reinforcements if we want to win here, and Megatron said no we didn't and Starscream said yes we did, and Megatron pointed out that we were already getting powerful allies and had Leader-One 'demonstrate his point'.

Tomorrow we get to try and piece the wall back together. Yippee.

(Demolisher's still green.)

(There's kind of a little pile outside the airlock now. I just hope nobody notices. But nobody uses that one, so maybe I'm OK.)

**Sideways' Report**

**(Day 30)**

Stupid demon-thing followed me around all day. She's relentless!

That's it: next time there's a Minicon panel, I'm throwing myself on Megatron's mercy. There's probably more of it than of Hers.

**Cyclonus's Journal**

**Day 31**

Yet another Minicon… OK, I give up. I mean, we are talking about a small race here, right? So there's gonna' be a few hundred of these things, at least. Or thousands… I'll just stick 'MP' at the start of the entry next time.

Today was good, though: that Sideways guy switched sides. He's OK, I guess; he led Hot Shot into a trap and _we _got the Star Sabre back. Even better: I got to do to that yellow junk-pile what I've been wanting to do ever since he got that thing. Better than spending all day fixing walls, I guess.

There's something I don't get, though: how is sending an Autobot back alive better than killing them?

It must be politics.

**Red Alert's Log**

**(Day 31)**

A nice, peaceful day for once: Hot Shot was on the moon. Oh, he came back in terrible condition and said something about Sideways joining the Decepticons, but it's probably all for the best.

Memo: when Hot Shot comes back online, half-kill him again for being so reckless. That should keep him quiet for a while. And why is everyone so surprised about Sideways?

**Prime's log **

(Day 31)

The situation has altered drastically. With Sideways and the Star Sabre, the Decepticons have a huge advantage. Also, Hot Shot is currently useless, but as we don't have the Sabre, he would be anyway, so that's only to be expected.

I can only hope that my new Plot Device will arrive in time to save us all.

**Unicron's Records**

**(Day 31)**

Events are moving too slowly, and Sideways is quite frankly a gibbering wreck at the moment. Even with four Minicons attempting crude therapy on him, he will not be any help for some time.

Hmm, there's an idea: maybe a time-skip would help. It might jar continuity a bit, but these things can't be helped…

**Cyclonus's Journal **

**Day 32**

Weird. My internal chronometer keeps telling me that yesterday was nearly two weeks ago. I guess I'll have to ask someone why. Everyone looks confused, and there's a new guy, too. Demolisher isn't green any more, either. Huh.

Hey, maybe they won't notice if I go move all the Minicons around… why have I got scorch marks? Was I in a battle? And I missed it? Awww…

**Starscream's log**

**(Day 32)**

How did we manage to miss two weeks? It's as if time's jumped ahead without us. I want to know what we missed – but there are a few more Minicons around than there were. Scavenger's missing: he's probably gotten locked in a storage bay somewhere.

Oh, and some newcomer's turned up. His name's Thrust, he's a tactician and he lost today's battle, according to the computer. Somehow this kind of reinforcement doesn't reassure me.

And another thing: why is Blackout here and where is Swindle?

**Prime's Log **

(Day 32)

Such luck! My mail-order battle pants arrived in the nick of time! Jetfire appears to be settling in well, but he's in his quarters now.

There was some confusion this morning: Scavenger appeared in the night, so we had to calm him down, calm Hot Shot down, confiscate Jolt's Super Soaker and explain to everyone that he's not evil, he's just been conned into a fiendish contract dreamed up by depraved and twisted minds. That was a rather good explanation, actually. Maybe I should promote Red Alert for it.

**Jetfire's Log**

**(Day 32)**

I should have seen this coming. I mean, when a promotion gets passed down to someone like me, it's pretty suspicious, right? But combining? Erk. The others seem all right, though.

Just my luck to arrive at the same time as Thrust. I mean, I've heard his reputation. He doesn't seem that bad, though: he just contacted me. Said he's had time to get a feel for his 'comrades' and suggested a deal. Each faction gets a turn at winning. We won today, so tomorrow I've got to figure out a way to make sure we lose…

**Cyclonus's Journal**

**Day 33**

We almost won today. Thrust had some plan that nearly worked. Then Optimus friggin' Prime turned up and saved the 'bots' shells. Everyone managed to sort out their Minicons, no problem, worse luck. Pretty funny when Starscream asked if he could keep Blackout, though.

I checked the freezer outside the airlock today. Turns out it wasn't just battles I missed.

**Swindle's Diary**

**(Day 33)**

Starscream tried to swap me for Blackout. I'd better start my official statement:

Ahem. Sulk, sulk, sulk. Sulk, sulk, betrayal, rejection, sulk blah. Sulk, blah, Blackout-not-more-helpful-than-me; sulk.

There, that's that sorted. Now for revenge…

**Jetfire's Log**

**(Day 33)**

Optimus showed up and saved us. That Tanya kid revived him and sent him after us. This isn't fair. Now I've got to repeat the whole process. And I know how Thrust felt yesterday.  
Cyclonus's Journal Day 34 

Starscream's still in repairs. Crumplezone says Swindle told the sausage that jet-boy was trying to steal Blackout off of Demolisher. Megatron yelled at everyone and then I had to help find bits of Starscream so we could piece him back together. Thrust said it was a good thing he'd come, because this team is falling apart in more ways than one. I think it was a joke, but he didn't laugh, so what was the point?

**Cyclonus's Journal**

**Day 35**

I've gotta' go talk to Demolisher: Starscream swapped patrol routes with me. Nah, maybe I'll ask Thrust – I mean, I keep hearing this voice, telling me to call him 'Squid head', and I don't know why, but maybe if I go and have a look at him, I'll get it.

**(Later)**

I went and looked at Thrust. I still don't get it. Stupid voices. What's a squid anyway? I kept thinking I hated him, too, and that's kinda' weird, 'cause I've only just met him, and he was mad at Starscream when I told him about it. I don't like him much, but nobody who's that funny to watch can be all bad, right? He's gone to talk to Starscream about it now, so I'm gonna go watch to see who kills who.

**Tygerflame's Gripe List**

**(Day 35)**

I learned something new in training today, apart from the fact that whatsherface my 'partner' is somehow an amazing shot with every weapon we have (which probably means someone's rigged the guns to give the humans a chance of winning).

Built-in flamethrowers and halfway-realistic feathers? Don't mix. 'Tygerflame' nothing. Either I switch weapons or I incinerate myself.

On the bright side, 'Tygerflame-extinguisher' actually sounds slightly less embarrassing.


	6. Week 6

**Week Six **

**Cyclonus's Journal**

**Day 36**

Demolisher says there's a virus going around the base. Why? Oh yeah, I forgot to put it in: yesterday, Thrust went to talk to Starscream, right? And then Starscream started arguing (what else is new?) and then he called Thrust 'squid-something'. And then he got embarrassed 'cause Thrust was looking at him funny and I was looking at him funny (and Buzzsaw and Dualor) and he didn't even know what he was talking about. (Like that's anything new.)

But anyway, this morning a bunch of people showed up outside the base (humans in weird armour), carrying big signs and posters that said stuff like 'No tentacles no squid'. Megatron wanted to know who they were and Stormcloud said they were the Marine Conservation Thingy or something. They're still there; last I heard, they were setting up some protest about calling a squid a squid and a hat a hat. Pretty dumb, but whaddya expect from a bunch of undersized Autopets that can't even supply power right?

I'd better go now: Demolisher sent me to get the sweeping brushes so we can clear the squishies away from the main entrance.

**Thrust's Journal**

**(Day 36)**

I can't believe I was looking forward to getting here. Not that anyone could blame me really. After all, _I_ thought that maybe this would be a chance to prove my skills in doing something truly worthwhile; you know, tip the scales of power in our favour, turn the tide of the war, all the things one is supposed to get to do when they're a genius. It's in the rules somewhere.

Instead, I'm supervising two idiots and a maniac whilst they clear organic aliens off of the front approach to the base. The stupid little things keep pointing at me and squeaking, too.

On the other hand, perhaps I could use this as an opportunity to teach my new 'comrades' about teamwork. We could certainly use some. The Minicons seem to know all about it; I made the mistake of mentioning the subject while a few were repairing me yesterday, and was promptly informed that they could give me a few lectures on it. Actually I'm more interested in them giving the others a few lectures on it…

**Crumplezone's Journal**

**(Day 36)**

Best news in weeks! I finally found out what Cyclonus was keeping outside Airlock Three: a whole bunch of frozen humans! If I sell them off before he does, I can get that bomb I've been wanting for ages. Be afraid, Autobots! Once Swindle pays the shipping costs, your days are numbered!

Wow. That paragraph makes me look like a nut.

**Jetfire's Log**

**(Day 36)**

No battle today, which is lucky, since I still haven't figured out how to make us lose. One of the humans mangled itself somehow, so between them and Hot Shot, Red Alert's decided that we all need to learn some basic first aid. Class begins tomorrow, but I bribed him with copies of the latest medical journals, so I'm off the hook. I reckon he, Makeshift and Long Arm will keep everyone else nicely distracted; meanwhile, I'll be going through the mission records, trying to find something that'll give me a clue as to this group's weakness. Apart from the humans, I mean.

**Transmission intercepted by HASBRO surveillance satellite 549201-F6**

-Message begins:

Dear Tidal Wave,

I'm currently working on an odd little planet called Earth, with a small group of other Decepticons. We're trying to retrieve as many Minicons as possible (yes, this is where they've been all that time). I have one for a partner now: his name's Inferno and he's quite useful. He's reasonably good company, too, although he's older than me (at least, he's pretty sure he is) and likes to argue.

It's not too bad, actually: you should really come and stay for a while. I think you'd like it: the surface is two-thirds water, there are Autobots to shoot, and you might even pick up a Minicon while you're here. (They're not all as bad as Inferno.) I'm enclosing some pictures from our spare time (the little green and grey thing is Inferno; the Seeker in the first one is Starscream, and I really hope I don't have to tell you who the purple and green one he's trying to kill is). I did try to get the whole group to stand still for a picture, but as you can see, some of them just don't grasp the concept of 'still'. In case you're wondering, the little brown blob we're chasing is called a 'sausage' – it's the base mascot. (Don't ask. Please.)

I'll see you soon,

Thrust

P.S. Please, please, PLEASE hurry!

Message ends.-

**Cyclonus's Journal**

**Day 37**

Well, the fleshies are gone, and so is Sideways. Thrust says he was a spy or something. I think he just bailed out so he wouldn't have to sit through another lecture from the Minicons. Sure, the Destruction Team are fun, but there are more important things to do. And maybe if Megatron let up on us for a change, we might figure out what they are.

Oh yeah, and _now _I hate Thrust. When you actually pay attention to him, he's really annoying. Today was about the first time I wasn't distracted and he wasn't mad. He's still funny when he's angry, though. I'm gonna try and keep him that way.

**Red Alert's Log**

**(Day 37)**

The children came in today, upset because they'd found something. Apparently, there are posters all over their town – recruitment posters. That wouldn't be a problem, but the posters are for the Decepticon army. We aren't certain why the Decepticons are advertising this way, but we'll probably find out soon enough. We always do.

Also, Hot Shot left the first aid class early. It looks like he'll just have to rely on Jolt's goodwill for the next million years before I try teaching him anything again.

**Megatron's Log**

**(Day 37)**

All has been revealed: Sideways is really a hologram! But not just any hologram: he is a mutated hybrid of ancient reruns, bad comedy, and resurrected monstrosities that should never have seen the light of day. In other words, the broadcasting companies have been getting satellite-happy again. (No taste, no taste at all.)

This does explain a few things, though. It's now perfectly clear to me why he rarely did much aside from stand around chuckling and introducing strange plot twists. And now his tendency to look a little fuzzy around the edges can only be put down to bad reception.

Yes, even the gooey tentacles make sense now; his ancestry must have been a relic of the days when sentient slime was a prerequisite for any human horror film.

**Thrust's Journal**

**(Day 37)**

What a lovely day. First I have to present my plans to Megatron (and avoid being killed in the process), then I'm ambushed by Demolisher for no reason, and then it turns out that one of the group is a spy; then I end up fighting the spy – only to discover he's a leaking virus in disguise! I hope Tidal Wave arrives soon. He didn't answer my message, but, well, he's Tidal Wave. You don't expect an answer from him. For one thing, he usually doesn't need to give one.

My head feels strange. I wonder if Sideways is contagious. Where's an anti-viral when you need it?

**Cyclonus's Journal**

**Day 38**

Um, lots of stuff happened today. Kinda' funny, isn't it: nothing happens for weeks and then three battleships show up at once. Anyway, this big guy called Tidal Wave showed up in the middle of a battle and we kicked aft for a while. Then the Autobots got a Really Big Gun and started using it on us. If you ask me, it's just not fair: how come they get to try out all the new plot devices?

Oh, yeah, almost forgot: **MP.**

**Tidal Wave's Journal**

**(Day 38)**

Have arrived on Earth; beginning to regret it. Was only in water five seconds; next thing I know, I'm upside down! Autobots here are very, very strange people. Also, Thrust had me combine with Megatron. I know I said once it might be interesting to get to know our leader. This is not how I meant it.

Spent last three hours reading up on local planet and dominant life form. At least there is plenty of water, but I might not get to enjoy it. I'll have to settle for plenty of destruction, then, instead.

**Skyblast's Log**

**(Day 38)**

Ha-ha! We're awake! And once again, we have defied physics and caused the effects of the Requiem Blaster to make no sense whatsoever! Take that, reality!

Actually, Payload reckons that was 'cause Prime was holding us (yeah, the oversized junk-heaps followed us here). But we have a plan to send them packing, yes! We shall wreak such incredible mess and havoc that the two factions will see how silly the whole super-weapon idea really is and forget about it. Or kill each other off. Whatever works.

**Cyclonus's Journal**

**Day 39**

MP. There. I did it. Oh, yeah, and some human ran onto the battlefield today. I didn't see what happened to it, but all the Autobots freaked out and ran away. Whatever it was, we should do it again next time! Frell, it'd be worth it just to see the looks on their faces again!

**Thrust's Journal**

**(Day 39)**

We won a battle today, thankfully. It seems my Autobot counterpart has finally gotten his act together: how he did it I'm not certain, but one of those humans ran out in front of me when I went after one of the Minicons. I wasn't really expecting it to attack me, but then most creatures don't have a death wish. In hindsight, the very fact that they allied themselves with Autobots should have given me a clue; not that it matters. I seem to be… sniffling, for some reason, and my head hurts, so it was pleasant to have something to take things out on.

Although- would you believe the little meatbag had the _nerve_ to look surprised when I shot it? _What_ in the name of favourable weather conditions was it expecting me to do? Well, I suppose I could have stepped on it, but why get one's foot dirty when a low-power blast will do as well?

Oh, well. We'll be having no more of _that_ nonsense, to be certain.

**Hot Shot's Journal**

**(Day 39)**

I- I can't believe this. Tara… no, wait, Tanya, is… is… she's dead.

Which is kind of funny, 'cause I have seen lots of dead people, and some of my friends have died before, like- well, you know, but everyone's miserable anyway. Especially the kids, but then, they've never had this to deal with before. And Red Alert's not too upset: he thinks she did it to be difficult.

I wonder… Tanya was talking about something yesterday. Said some voice in her dreams was warning her about a terrible evil. And power. Lots of power. Why is it always about power? Nuclear International's not _that_ bad a supplier. Annoying sometimes, but not nightmare-bad.

**Prime's Log**

**(Day 39)**

I suppose it was inevitable, really. During our battle with the Decepticons today, in a terrible twist of fate, one of our beloved human friends, Tanya, tragically, uh… kicked the bucket. Erm. In a very moving way.

However, my greatest concern right now is the splitting headache my SPS is giving me. The constant prank wars have been aggravating it, but what Red Alert's doing right now is causing it to go wild. If I ask nicely, maybe Megatron will shoot me…

**Crumplezone's Journal **

**(Day 39)**

Small hitch. We shoved spare parts ads in the humans' mail, but Jolt says everybody was too upset to notice, 'cause some squishy went and bought it. Not fair for it to grab all the attention, but one of them's dead: it's all good. And Swindle's not coughing up, so I guess the squishicles will have to stay where they are for now.

We still haven't had any human volunteers from the posters, either. Funny. It's not like they could know we want them for the parts supply…

**Cyclonus's Journal **

**Day 40**

MP. Again. The Autobots got this one, and somehow we ended up with a human. (first time in ages!) I don't know how, but we did. Maybe we can trade, seeing as we don't want a human and they don't really mind. Sure, they'll want both of them, but that'd be greedy. So if we trade, everyone'll be happy! Megatron's calling us, so I'd better go. He's probably gonna call the Autobots and tell them we've got a spare human.

**Megatron's Log**

**(Day 40)**

Today Cyclonus picked up another human and brought it back to base with us, (how many times have I told him NOT to do that?) and for some reason I considered trying to use it as a hostage.

Unfortunately (perhaps), shortly after we started discussing the problem – and after I had reprimanded Cyclonus - it was eaten by the sausage. I should probably be grateful, but, well, I don't do that.

Also, Demolisher's had a relapse of greenness. He's in the repair bay now; hopefully this time the episode won't last long.

**Skyblast's Log**

**(Day 40)**

Er… the plan isn't working. I've never met anyone so oblivious to weaponry malfunctions. I mean, we even replaced the Blaster's, uh, blasts with a cork on a string and a little flag reading 'bang' that pop out when you fire it. (Astroscope wasn't too happy about us messing with his scanner, but it had to be done.)

So, new plan: we're doing a bunk. We'll tell those kids we want to run, take them out to some nice, deserted spot, and activate an SOS beacon.

This is a job for… Random Decepticon Onlooker Bot!

**Cyclonus's Journal**

**Day 41**

We had to turn off all the computers and stuff today, 'cause of Sideways activity. (Thrust says there's a link between it and sunspot activity, but he believes anything.) Even Minicons aren't worth a day of him spouting slag on every screen and laughing at nothing. So we played a bunch of new games, starting with Nebulan Tiddlywinks and finishing up with some human ones called 'Ludo' and 'Frustration'. And then Starscream broke the board, just when it looked like Megatron was going to win, too. We didn't do much after that. Too busy hiding.

**Demolisher's Log**

**(Day 41)**

My armour's turned the right colour and I can move again, so I'm back on duty. Still feel like recycled filings, though. When I find out what's causing this…

**Thrust's Journal**

**(Day 41)**

Well, that is the last time I go to the aid of Minicons in distress.

I was fine-tuning the satellite connections when a message came through from the Space Team, requesting immediate pickup. And, as I found out, they were outside of base and effectively alone – well, humans hardly count, now, do they?

And despite the fact that the Autobots were delayed by traffic when I left, Prime still managed to arrive in time to chase me off. Honestly: traffic is _so_ unreliable.

I'm going to talk to the Minicons; this- this 'head-cold', if that's what I have, is only getting worse.

**Cyclonus's Journal**

**Day 42**

MP. And we lost big time. I don't get what happened, either. Some weird Autobot showed up while we weren't looking. Her transform's just silly. I think that's why we lost – we were laughing too hard or something… dumb dog…

-Recording terminated due to fit of giggling-

**Smokescreen's Journal **

**(Day 42)**

Somehow, Red Alert has managed to bring Tanya back- y'know, the human who died the other day. Only now she's in a Transformer body, and she's calling herself Nightfang. Her Minicon seems depressed, but I can't go talk to her – Spiral wants to sort out some things with me, and I can't keep her waiting.

**Tygerflame's Gripe List**

**(Day 42)**

This is the last straw. I've been the laughing stock of two armies; I've been subject to the wants and wishes of an immature twerp; I've been scorched by my own weapons; I've been saddled with cheap wings that wouldn't work as parachutes; I've been given a stupid name – but there is no way in the everlasting Pit that I'm going to powerlink with that walking carpet.

So I've paid a couple of the others to pretend to be me for a while, long enough to give me a head start. Tomorrow I'm changing my alt-mode to a tug boat, my paint job to grey and blue, and renaming myself 'Shortstraw'. Then I'm running away to sea. By the time they realise I'm gone, I'll be in the middle of the Bermuda Triangle!

OK, so Shortstraw was my old name to begin with. So what? They don't know: they never bothered to ask.

**Megatron's Log**

**(Day 42)**

Despite our defeat today, it was reassuring to learn that our enemies really have lost all contact with reality. What Cybertronian in their right mind would ever want to be a… wolf, or whatever those germs call it? (Albeit one that seems to be stronger than is physically possible.) It looks quite ridiculous.

At least _we_ have the sausage: whenever we feel ourselves falter, or in doubt, we can always look at that little one and know: whatever else may be, some things are just silly.


	7. Week 7

_The previous chapters have been rewritten, and some plotlines changed/added, so anyone carrying on from here may experience some confusion. __(On the other hand, at this stage you may have forgotten most of it anyway...)_

_Also, for those who were asking before: 'MP' was what Cyclonus decided to use instead of 'Minicon panel again'. It's mentioned back in week five, I think._

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**Week Seven**

**Cyclonus's Journal**

**Day 43**

We were all sitting around wondering why nothing was happening today, and then Sideways showed up on the screens talking about it being a filler chapter and that showing how unimportant we were. Nobody had a clue what he was on about, but it was slagging annoying. So we turned the screens off (except for the one Megatron shot) and had another games night (well, day, but night sounds better and I dunno why). Demolisher was setting up 'Monopoly' when the Sea Team turned up and invited everyone to come play 'Battleships' and 'Minesweeper' with them and Tidal Wave and Thrust. I didn't like the sound of that. Nobody else did, either. (Well, maybe Megatron, but he liked the sound of Monopoly better for some reason.)

I didn't like that much, either. It was boring, and way too realistic. (I was bankrupt in like three turns!) Megatron and Starscream were still playing after Dem and me were out. Then Thrust came back and wanted to join in, so they let him be banker or something.

Last I heard, they were still playing.

**Prime's Log**

**(Day 43)**

Since Nightfang's resurrection, the prank wars and social politics around here have become intolerable; my SPS has been giving me so much grief, I'm starting to lose rest over it, so I had Red Alert disable it this morning. Naturally, this will make things a little more difficult: with no Stupid Plan Sense, I won't be able to detect the Decepticons' plans, for example. But I'm sure it won't be too much of a hindrance.

Hey, you know what would be a good idea? I should build a new warrior to carry on my legacy! And get Elita to help! We need some more warriors around here, too!

**Cyclonus's Journal**

**Day 44**

Today was kinda boring, except we got some of the Autobots' mail by mistake. Thrust and Megatron got all happy and said now they could understand the enemy better and stuff like that. I guess they're right; I mean, I never knew before how much medication they use.

Hey, if we got their mail, that must mean they got our mail! Heh, guess they'll just have to make do with our power bills.

**Red Alert's Log**

**(Day 44)**

Another Autobot – 'Blurr' – arrived. Scavenger seemed to know him. In fact, Scavenger demanded to know why Blurr was so late. Blurr didn't take well to this. Apparently Blurr came immediately when he was called in, and we're the ones who can't keep time.

Fortunately Optimus ended the argument by pointing out that time had been behaving oddly recently. All we know about it so far is that the kids were very put out at missing their entire summer break.

Long Arm keeps saying we need better native guides. I'm starting to agree.

**Megatron's Log**

**(Day 44)**

Good news at last. It seems Prime's feeble wits have finally shattered under the strain of leadership – or at least his attempts at it. Among the messages we intercepted was one from the Autobots' Head of Intelligence (hah!) to the effect that he should have his mind examined. It seems she disagrees with his opinion that there is a need to send a group of femmes to Earth, but he can have one of her rookies if he's that desperate. She also wants to know where he thinks she will find the time to fiddle around with toolkits, adding that even if she did have it, she'd use it to fix the lighting in her office.

He has clearly departed the realms of the sane. I rather hope he assigns more of his officers to menial tasks. Although I do wonder what he wanted the Intelligence officer to do…

**Cyclonus's Journal **

**Day 45**

I was looking through some more of the Autobozos' mail, and I found something weird. There's this letter from some company called 'Oraclear', and it goes on about some dark blade bringing peace to the planet of torn metal. Then it has stuff about 'if you require help interpreting your prophecy, please contact our interpretation helpline' and the fees for that. I don't think I'll bother. I mean, if that's the best code they can come up with for their top-secret intel reports, it sucks: even I get it.

I'm just trying to figure out whether it's right. What the slag would Skywarp be doing on Junk anyway? And bringing peace? Junkions are weird, but I dunno why anyone'd bother sending him to kill them…

**Hot Shot's Journal**

**(Day 45)**

Why does everyone keep saying I'm cranky? I'm not! I just haven't gotten any recharge for the last two days! (They just had to give Nightfang the room next door, didn't they? If she's going to have loud, screamy nightmares, could she at least do it down the hall?)

And all these memories are coming back. It's weird! But I guess they explain why I have an old receipt for memory blocks in my pocket…

Hey, I just remembered! The guy who sold me those blocks said they'd last eight million years! I want my money back!

**Sideswipe's Diary**

**(Day 45)**

On the bright side, this day can only get better. I've arrived on Earth, I've let the others know I'm here – all I have to do is find Commander Blurr and get settled in.

Uh… at least, once they come out and help me get out of here. How long have they been? I've got to move sometime…

Oh, right. I forgot to mention: I just heard a click under my right foot. They might have mentioned there were landmines outside the base before they sent me here. I just hope I don't need a new leg.

**Cyclonus's Journal**

**Day 46**

No Minicon today, but another new guy turned up. His name's Wheeljack. He used to be an Autobot. He shot Thrust. That's all we know. (Well, me and Demolisher and Crumplezone, anyway.) Doesn't sound too bad. Unless, uh, the whole 'shooting other Decepticons' thing doesn't just go for Thrust…

Oh, and he wants to use the labs. He's defrosting them now-

Which means he'll find the human bits. And the smell. Um. Slag.

Maybe if I buy him some air freshener, he won't mind?

**Jetfire's Log**

**(Day 46)**

The leaky roof is getting really bad, and it's not water that's coming in. I can't walk down a corridor without a human falling through the roof next to me! (Hot Shot's almost as bad; no one knows why it happens around us so much.) What's even creepier is that they aren't even real humans: inside, they're just shapeless goo. How do we know? Well, when they've hit the floor in front of you often enough, you start to notice these things…

**Cyclonus's Journal**

**Day 47**

MP. I brought back another human, but luckily, I managed to get rid of it before anyone noticed – this is so embarrassing! And Demolisher turned all green and woozy again, so Wheeljack's dragged him into the labs to do some more tests. Funny thing is, he's got worse ever since they brought him in and started giving him the medicine. If I'm ever sick and green, I don't want them to treat me.

**Makeshift's Log**

**(Day 47)**

We had an unfortunate outbreak of violence today, which I'm finding myself constrained to hide from the Autobots. We'd taken advantage of the Autobots' absence on a mission to hold a Minicon conference – well, get-together, anyway. But then a group of Autobots arrived outside, wanting to come in. They were all femmes, I think, but all their names were things like Shadow and Bloodstrike, and I couldn't tell them apart very well – and I've had good practice at telling people apart.

We let them in, although they couldn't provide any good identification, since we reasoned that we could handle any trouble. While we were questioning them, though, one of them went off into some nonsensical spiel about being mistreated by the other mechs because they were femmes, and all the abuse and bigotry they had to face because of it.

Well. You can imagine how that went down in a room full of Minicons.

Worse, they did it in front of Sureshock. And Spiral. _And the entire Sonic Assault Team._

It's just as well the Street Action Team had the sense to get the kids out of there before Falcia blew her top, or the group's disappearance would have been even harder to explain away. As it is, we're taking the line that they were neutral bandits posing as Autobots to try and loot the base, but that we managed to see them off. It explains the state of the room, too.

On the bright side, we now have enough spare parts to rebuild every Autobot on the planet twice over.

**Sideswipe's Diary**

**(Day 47)**

That Nightfang is really starting to get on my nerves. She caught Hot Shot in the hall and gave him a talk on the Wheeljack thing and moving on and how he could count on her to be there for him. She didn't notice me and Smokescreen behind her (and I'm not sure if he was trying not to laugh or not to kill her), and she didn't notice that Hot Shot luckily wasn't paying attention. (He was helping Smokescreen find the leaks in the roof.) She kept on not noticing up to the point where a zombie-human fell onto her head and goo started dripping down her back. (We were definitely laughing then.)

**Cyclonus's Journal**

**Day 48**

Hoo boy. I'm as good as fragged. Turns out Demolisher's allergic to humans: that's why he got sicker in the lab covered in splatted human. And now Thrust and Wheeljack are asking everyone questions, tryin' to find out why there was human goo in the lab, and why Demolisher's been sick for so long – they don't know I keep bringing them back, see?

I just hope I can get rid of the airlock pile before anyone finds out. But now there's some big plan on, and we're all getting ready for that. And Starscream's got the Star Sabre again. What's the conehead planning now?

**Jetfire's Log**

**(Day 48)**

I had a close encounter with Nightfang yesterday. Smokescreen told me how she took advantage of Hot Shot being angsty to try and set herself up as some sort of saviour (or just be a jerk; it was hard to tell from Smokescreen's description). And he was just telling me to watch out, because she's been giving me looks the past few days and chances are I'd be next. (She ignores half the people around here when she's not telling them off; why can't I be the same?)

Next thing, of course, she turns up playing the silent victim card again and Smokescreen's grinning and nudging me, and I know I'm supposed to ask what's wrong and get brushed off and go chasing after her, but I was feeling kind of lazy on account of having been up late last night chatting to Thrust. So instead, I stopped her, told her she looked terrible, and that I'd see her in my office for a talk right after my date with Smokescreen. She straightened up and picked up her pace after that – heh, I wonder why?

Of course, Smokescreen hit me over the head with a wrench when she was out of sight and told me if I did that again, he'd tell her I had a tragic lovelorn past. I'm going to try and be nice to him for a while. Maybe let him stay back at base next time there's a mission…

**Red Alert's Log**

**(Day 48)**

Smokescreen's nearly dead and I've banned Jetfire from doing him any more favours. It hasn't helped his condition that we paused so long before administering first aid. I really don't know what happened. Someone – Nightbeat, I think – suggested there was a time distortion caused by all the potential Monty Python jokes trying to happen at once and colliding with each other. When I last checked, he was explaining to the others what a Monty Python was. Frankly, as long as it doesn't try to eat my patient, I could care less right now.

**Cyclonus's Journal**

**Day 49**

Where do I begin? OK, we got the Requiem Blaster back (and killed an Autobot), but Starscream got left behind somehow, and when he came in he did it by airlock three and tripped over the frozen humans pile. He was kinda' mad about that, but not as much as Demolisher was.

Then Starscream and Megatron had a fight over something, and now Starscream and the Star Sabre are on Earth, I think. Too bad Demolisher isn't with them: now he knows I brought the humans in, he's gonna make my life miserable for weeks…

**Thrust's Journal**

**(Day 49)**

That'll teach me to unlock the drinks cabinet, I suppose. I'm going to remove the temptation by spending the rest of the night emptying it, as part of my strategy to purge my memory of today's events.

By rights this entry should begin with a stream of curses, but I've used up most of them by now. To summarise the day's events: while we were executing my plan, Sideways appeared and gave me information on the location of the Requiem Blaster; I seized the opportunity, and we captured the Blaster while Starscream was distracting the Autobots. Unfortunately, someone neglected to tell Starscream about this. (Well, to be precise, nobody thought of it, but I doubt he'd appreciate the distinction.) In all the excitement, I then forgot about him and locked the warp gate.

He was… rather annoyed when he got back. It possibly didn't help that he arrived just as the party was getting underway, and we'd forgotten to save a hat for him. (A silly thing to be so upset about, but he's been ridiculously overemotional lately.) In hindsight, it probably wasn't wise to placate him with drink: shortly afterwards he overheard me talking to Megatron about him, and it was duck and cover all round.

Also, I had to bear witness to the two most powerful Decepticons in the galaxy arguing over whether or not one was too sensitive and the other self-centred, which was which, and who was responsible for the failure of their relationship. Complete with flung objects, shouts of "Fine!", talk of respecting feelings, and tears.

My mind is scarred for all eternity.

**Smokescreen's Journal**

**(Day 49)**

A new day, a new body. I've only had a couple of visitors since I woke up: Liftor and Refute (and Makeshift, of course, but he doesn't count). Everyone else is busy dealing with some emergency, so I've got to deal with the trauma by myself.

Although there's a bunch of flowers on the table nearby, and Makeshift says Commetor brought them round from Jetfire, who's hardly left my side. The dirty slagger, using a wounded 'bot as cover. If he keeps taking advantage of my condition to keep Nightfang off, I'm going to start charging him. Looking this tragically damaged takes effort, you know.

**Nightfang's Diary**

**(Day 49)**

Oh man, Starscream joined the Autobots today! I can't believe it! Hot Shot didn't want to let him in, but I told him pretty well that Autobots ought to act like it! Yeesh, you'd think we were in the middle of a war or something!

But now Starscream's with us, finally, he might find his softer side, and realise that he doesn't belong with the Decepticons, and that what he really wants is to stay here… with me. I know I shouldn't be thinking this, but he's _really_ hot, and I bet he's not that bad once he softens up a bit. It's my job to help him do that, of course.

P.S. Oh, yeah, and it turned out Smokescreen wasn't dead after all. All that mourning and the overdone threats of vengeance I did, wasted! Forget appreciating my help around here, the guy can't even die right.


	8. Week 8

_Nearly forgot to post this. Whoops. Thanks for the reviews, all._

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**Week Eight**

**Cyclonus's Journal**

**Day 50**

MP. I did it again. The human thing. What the slag is wrong with me?! Demolisher caught me before Megatron did, though: I think he's been watching me specially. Anyway, he made me burn it, and then he said I have to break the habit before he breaks me. Figures I'd be the one to suffer.

**Skyblast's Log**

**(Day 50)**

We could have a problem. More of one, I mean. Yeah, being stuck with the Decepticons sucks, but this is worse. They got a load of the Autobots' mail by mistake a week ago, and we were looking through it today. We found some prophecy they were supposed to get, and we think it means Nightfang's destined to bring peace to Cybertron.

Apart from not making sense and being a really bad idea, it's illegal. Our contract with Fate and Destiny clearly states that the peace on Cybertron thing is the Minicons' prerogative, with us in an instrumental role! We're forwarding copies to the other gestalts and our supernatural agents. There'd better be a good reason for this! (If nothing else, we ought to be able to sue this 'Oraclear' company. Or Nightfang. Or both.)

**Starscream's Log**

**(Day 50)**

This was always a desperate measure, but if today was anything to go by, I'm not going to be able to stay here past tomorrow. I thought the humans were bad; having a hairy Autobot trailing after me has made me re-evaluate their company. Nightfang's such an embarrassment: she's fixated on me for some reason (and I _know_ the other Autobots are sniggering about it when they think I can't hear).

The mission today would have been unbearable, except that after half an hour, a couple of campers spotted her wolf mode and ran away screaming. That and the look on her face when Prime sent her home almost made up for the rest of it. Even _Megatron_ is less conspicuous than she is.

**Cyclonus's Journal**

**Day 51**

Crumplezone's helping me kick the human thing. He's leaving model humans and pictures of humans around the place, then sitting on my shoulder with a shock prod and zapping me every time I even look at one. He does it a few times over if I try to pick one up.

Wish he'd stop doing it to my head: I think half my sensors're fried…

**Downshift's Journal**

**(Day 51)**

Gotta love this.

We're the least popular combiner team, of course (because shields aren't as cool as swords or even guns, apparently), we're still expected to take the hits for everyone around us, and now some wet-behind-the-ears (literally) romance-obsessed idiot is trying to steal our shtick.

Maybe I should warn her that not all of us need to combine to kill her.

**Long Arm's Journal**

**(Day 51)**

Having a giant canine tagging along is starting (hah!) to damage our cover, so Prime got Red Alert to talk to Whatsherface today. He told her she had to change her alt-mode, and explained why. I think he did it too nicely, really. He definitely didn't get the point across, because she wanted to change it to a 'dragon' (even bigger, more obvious, brightly coloured organic – oh, and it's mythical). Clever, eh?

Makeshift and Prowl were there, too, and the looks we were all giving her must've gotten through. She chose a jet-mode pretty fast. And she wanted a Seeker design. With a sword. We had to get Starscream in so we could get scans of his design. It was pretty hard, especially when Prowl let slip what we wanted them for.

Red Alert managed to persuade him to come in and co-operate on the basis that this way, there was a good chance she'd crash and burn, or impale herself on her own sword. (Um, not that we want that…)

The fact that Makeshift and Prowl were hovering behind Starscream in gun-mode might have helped a bit, I suppose.

**Cyclonus's Journal**

**Day 52**

Well, today sucked. The Autobots came in (stupid Starscream…) and took off with pretty much all the Minicons. Weeks of hard work, down the tubes. (OK, so most of the time Demolisher just told his pet to fetch while we fought the Autobots, but it was work! Half the time I thought my trigger finger was going to drop off!)

Right now I think my head's gonna fall off. Thanks a lot, Crumplezone.

**Transmissions intercepted by HASBRO surveillance satellite 549201-F6**

-Message begins:

Dear Tidal Wave,

Regret that in the confusion, we followed the evacuation by mistake (we didn't know what it was at the time and Stormcloud was convinced it was a 'conga line'). Are now stranded in the Autobot base with poor odds of capturing the warp gate. Ramjet here too. Black Autobot jet singing at us. Tone worse than her lyrics. Stinking organic filth everywhere. Don't know how much longer we can hold out.

Please send money and/or ammunition.

Sincerest regards,

The Sea Team

Message ends.-

-Message begins:

To: The Race Team, Street Action Team and Air Defence Team

From: Payload (Space Team)

RE: Prophecy investigation

Just to let you all know we contacted Fate and Destiny and they knew nothin' about any peace prophecy. They're goin' to contact Sideways and set up a conference so we can sort out what we're gonna do.

Oh, and our stuff got here OK. Thanks, Downshift. Nothin' worse than being stuck in a base without yer luggage. You're a pal.

Message ends.-

**Cyclonus's Journal**

**Day 53**

Megatron, Thrust and Tidal Wave were gone off to Mars all day, so we just hung around and did nothing much. Well, I did, after I locked Crumplezone in a closet. (I needed a break, though Demolisher wouldn't be pleased if he found out.) Wheeljack wouldn't come out of his lab and Demolisher was clearing up after yesterday. I had to run when he spotted me doing nothing, or else I could've spent the whole day sweeping. Like I've got nothing better to do? Anyway, I went and sat by the monitors so I could pretend to be watching them (like he'd care, but a 'bot can hope) when he caught up.

I just sat down and this call came through from someone looking for Starscream. Said she was his sister and wanted to know how he was. I said I didn't know and who the Pit was she anyway, 'cause I'd never heard of her. And then she went on with some long story about her and Starscream, so I just pretended to listen when Demolisher came in. Good thing she was calling from our HQ back on Cybertron, so he saw the source on the screen and left me alone.

Megatron and Thrust came in just after I managed to get rid of her, talking about Minicons and stuff. I forgot to tell them about the call, too. Maybe I'll tell them tomorrow.

**Sideways' Report**

**(Day 53)**

Master, I've arranged a conference with Destiny tomorrow. We're going to have to move fast: you know as well as I do it's bad enough with just the Minicons: there's no reason to let another threat gain momentum. This time round, we have a common enemy.

And I never, ever thought I'd be the one saying that. Wow. Now I know how it feels from the other end. Kinda fuzzy. I'll have to get rid of it before I come home, what with your fuzz-allergy and all.

**Cyclonus's Journal**

**Day 54**

I'm flat. Seriously. Flat. I've got a front and a back, and that's it. This is so weird! And it's not just me: everyone else has got it, and boy is Megatron grumpy! That, and it's hard to do much. I'm having trouble just working this thing; if I had to type it all, I think my fingers'd tear. Crumplezone can't use his stupid shock prod, which is great.

The only other thing is that Tidal Wave's disappeared completely. We've gone and _lost_ a giant slagging battleship. Megatron and Thrust are trying to figure out whether they left him behind on Mars yesterday, or if he's accidentally rolled himself up in one of the hangars. He could be stuck under a couple of crates, even.

I can't stop wiggling my fingers, either. It's that weird to look at.

**Red Alert's Log**

**(Day 54)**

As if we didn't have enough o worry about, there's been an outbreak of 'the flats' (and not the kind that hits tyres). More then half the people on the base have turned into two-dimensional images, including Fred, Carlos, the Air Defence Team, and everyone in the base whose name begins with 's'. Laserbeak is stuck to the wall; the Race and Street Action Teams are missing outright; Billy and Alexis weren't in today, thank goodness; Rad either went home early or has fallen down the side of a console somewhere. Hot Shot and Jolt are isolation; Blurr and every other Minicon on the base are missing, presumed flat. Only Optimus and myself are unharmed, but it's probably only a matter of time. (Oh, and Nightfang, but funnily enough, it's hard to tell if she's changed at all.)

I'm still trying to isolate the cause of all this. I've narrowed it down to infectious disease, reality going wonky again, or a steamroller the size of Tidal Wave rampaging through the corridors. Just in case, Optimus has gone to try and hunt it down.

**Downshift's Log **

**(Day 54)**

We had to postpone the conference: the Air Defence Team called in sick with a case of the flats (which is weird; I thought only cars got that). Just when the Street Action Team managed to find a babysitter, too. Eh, wussy jets. The only way I can explain it is if they got it in their landing gear, but that's nowhere near crippling. Still, even we don't argue with them if we can help it (indestructible or not, I don't like being pelted with water balloons every time I turn a corner).

**Starscream's Log**

**(Day 54)**

Just got out of the repair bay: whatever we've got looks like it's going down. While I was in there, the black jet-kid kept hovering around, looking worried. About _me_. Once I managed to get some recharge, and I woke up to find her having a crying fit all over me! Babbled on about thinking she'd lost me!

The blasted medic had confiscated my sword, so I had to settle for smacking her silly and telling her to shut up. (Funny: I've just felt better and better since.) I have tearstains all over my cockpit now, and they aren't wiping off.

It's times like this I actually miss being fired on with a fusion cannon.

**Cyclonus's Journal**

**Day 55**

Whatever the deal with the turning flat thing was, everyone's back to normal today. Even Megatron, so we spent the whole day training (not that he joined in, of course). Then Starscream's sister called back – I still don't believe that, but it's kinda funny – and Wheeljack answered her. Whatever they were talking about before I came over, it must have been weird, 'cause he got a funny look on his face and said he hoped for her sake she was just delusional and not some joker, 'cause he was tracing her call and contacting base security. Then he cut her off and went to talk to Megatron. Kept muttering about copycats, too.

**Nightfang's Diary**

**(Day 55)**

Starscream hit me yesterday… I don't think he even knew what he was doing; he was half-delirious, after all… I don't think he's changed: he just doesn't know how to find himself. He needs to learn how to let himself feel… all I want is to reach out to him and tell him that I feel his loneliness and pain, that I share it, too…

It hurts so much… I know: there's a song that's always comforted me, ever since I was a little girl. (Maybe it'd help him, too?)

Ahem:

As I came home on Monday night 

_As drunk as drunk could be_

_I saw a horse out- _**what the hell?!**

What kind of a song is that? And where'd it come from? I bet it's that evil Sideways, putting things in my mind again, trying to twist and hurt me! Won't I ever be free? Starscream, help me!

-Recording becomes incomprehensible at this point due to recorder malfunction-

**Red Alert's Log **

**(Day 55)**

The flatness seems to have worn off, and there's been no sign of any steamroller (must've been one of those 24-hour bugs). I still don't know what the exact cause was, but my investigation is being hindered by an influx of hungry Minicons demanding to know why they were all locked into the req. room the night before last. Optimus is trying to find out why, too, and why they couldn't get out sooner. Given that they have a sort of bar down there, I don't think this is nearly as much of a mystery as he seems to believe.

**Sideswipe's Diary**

**(Day 55)**

I can't believe Nightfang still won't drop the hug thing! It's been days now, and she still keeps making comments about me wanting to hug things! You'd think she'd never seen people tease each other before. I'm starting to think I'll never live it down.

I just want to record that I gave her fair warning earlier. (I don't think she took me that seriously, but I did, anyway.) If she doesn't let it go tomorrow, I'll sic every spambot on the planet on her email account.

**Downshift's Log**

**(Day 55)**

We had the conference today (finally!) and to cut a long story short, we're going to join forces (Fate, Destiny, Sideways and us gestalts) to stop this prophecy going ahead. Fate says Oraclear isn't returning their calls, so we're just going to have to deal with Nightfang first. Sideways wanted us and the other Minicons in the Autobot base to deal with her, but given her power and the fact that her being attacked by Perceptor wielding Skyboom and the Star Sabre might be a tad conspicuous, and we're not that keen on murder anyway, he was voted into taking the first crack at her. Hopefully, we'll be able to stick to moral support only.

**Laserbeak's Journal**

**(Day 55)**

High Wire talked me into the babysitting thing last night, so I spent the day with the kids. I'm going to try and turn them into an elite SWAT team, worthy of being my sidekicks. (Well come on, now, the fact that their suits match my paint job has to mean something, doesn't it?) It hasn't gone all that well, so far. Even the occasional zap from my gun-mode couldn't jog Billy's memory when it came to memorising computer components, Alexis said she was too busy with homework to join in and you don't want to know how the assault course went – Primus, it took hours to untangle them…

**Cyclonus's Journal**

**Day 56**

Good things about today: we got the Skyboom Shield and the Star Sabre, the Autobots got screwed, and I heard we're gonna get back home and frag some Autobot aft!

Bad things: Starscream's back, Thrust's way too smug, Crumplezone's back on zapping-me duty, and our answering machine is full of Screamer's relatives.

**Red Alert's Log**

**(Day 56)**

Starscream went back to the Decepticons, and I can't say I'm surprised. Also, there was an accident with a lump of plutonium, part of Long Arm's tonic stash and a can of diet lemonade. Laserbeak got turned human. It makes absolutely no sense, so we're hoping that like every other senseless thing around here, it's only temporary. (Then again, that hasn't held true for Hot Shot…)

**Laserbeak's Journal**

**(Day 56)**

Slaggit, I can't sleep. How's anyone supposed to rest flat on their back? It's not natural! And nobody knows how long I'm gonna be stuck like this?

I guess it's a complete coincidence that this happened just as I finished recording my award-winning video of 'Nightfang starting to sing mournfully about tears and hope and switching halfway through to a song about a muck-spreader, without noticing'. Either she's an undiscovered comedian, or I had years of blackmail in my records. All of which is useless now: I can't upload it to anyone.

**Prime's Log **

(Day 56)

Everyone seems to be turning on me today. Starscream took off this morning, Nightfang's accused me (us, but I'm responsible, naturally) of driving him away with our prejudices, and Red Alert told me that my plans have been getting progressively worse since my SPS was disabled. He thinks I can't sense my own stupid plans. Ridiculous! I mean, only the other day I proposed a strategy in which Jetfire would infiltrate the Decepticon base disguised as a pizza delivery boy. I ask you: where's the flaw in that?

And I resent the suggestion that I have an anti-Decepticon bias. I have always prided myself on my sense of fairness and impartiality. I have nothing against Decepticons. Some of my best friends are Decepticons… oh, _slag. _How do I erase this thing?


	9. Week 9

_Well, here goes with wrapping this thing up. (And trying to make sure I've tied up all the loose ends...) Thanks for all the reviews, again!_

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**Week Nine **

**Cyclonus's Journal **

**Day 57**

I asked Starscream about this sister of his, but he just keeps saying he hasn't got one. Huh! Can't explain all the messages, though. Megatron wants to know what's going on now, too. He doesn't think it's funny, but whatcha expect?

Crumplezone reckons I'm starting to do better on the human-snatching thing, but my head still hurts from being zapped. Demolisher's booked me in with something called 'Kidnappers Anonymous'. It actually sounds like it could be fun.

**Local Events Report**

**(From the Minicon news board in the Autobot base)**

For those of you who don't know what you missed, I went along to the 'Femmebot Support' meeting Nightfang set up (yeah, her again, but to give her credit, at least she stopped whining and actually did something this time). If I remember right, the others there were Sureshock, Firebot, the Sonic Assault Team, Jolt, Stormcloud and Tidal Wave. Anyone who got the invite should have seen the great farking essay on whether or not you counted as a femmebot, but it was pretty crap, so fair enough if you didn't understand it, Jolt: you're excused. Stormcloud was there as some kind of political protest, so he's let off, too. You, Firebot, had Makeshift to explain it to you, so if anyone should've got it right, it's you. If you're gonna try and sneak into a party like that, next time you've gotta at least _pretend_ to be the right kind of guy.

So, Paws welcomed us, then said she wasn't expecting to see so many of us (I'll bet she wasn't). She asked us if we wanted to share our experiences as femmes with each other and if we'd ever been discriminated against and stuff like that. Of course, everyone had – just not for the reasons she was interested in, I think. She kept asking how we handled being treated different for being femmes. (I think the kid still hasn't figured out she's not among humans any more.)

There wasn't much of a party in the end, unless you count most of us getting caught up in the story swapping (yeah, Refute, you missed out there: it was your kinda thing) and the drinking – and Sparkplug, stop playing opera music around Jolt. It's rubbing off. Someone needs to buy Stormcloud a drink for coming up with the idea of throwing him into the lake, Tidal Wave for helping throw Nightfang into the lake, Falcia for suggesting we throw her in, and Firebot and Falcia for slinging Jolt in every time he looked like he was gonna sing again. Someone needs to buy me and Combusta a drink, just because we're great.

**Laserbeak's Journal**

**(Day 57)**

I feel like slag, my head is pounding (and it's the wrong shape, too; it looks _gross_) I got no rest last night and I can't eat properly, but that's not the worst bit.

I like to think I'm pretty observant. I'm a camera-bird: it's my job to notice every little detail around me. And I used to think I was good at it. But obviously, this is not the case. Until today, it had somehow escaped my notice how much humans leak.

Oh, Primus, do they leak. _All the time_. And even more when they're sick. Alexis says I have the 'flu', so it's worse, but I can't imagine leaking half as much as this every day. Every. Single. Port. Leaks. At different times, for different reasons, but still. Even the _skin_ leaks.

Traumatised? Yes, yes I am. Happy, now, universe? Can I have my body back, please?

**Cyclonus's Journal **

**Day 58**

I can't remember much of what we did today: we found a load of gunk in one of the hangars and had to clean it out, which should have been really boring, but I feel pretty good anyway. Weird.

**Megatron's Log**

**(Day 58)**

Starscream was missing all day; I imagine he was sulking again. One obsessive lunatic claims I brainwashed him and he goes off in a huff. Bad enough that she set Wheeljack off in a mood by claiming to have the same story as him. (Where this idea comes from that I go around saving Autobots and recruiting them to my elite forces is a mystery to me. I only did it once, and virtually no-one's supposed to know about that.) I must contact Skywarp about her…

Despite all this, I'm rather pleased with the day's work. We finally discovered the cause of our troubles – the bouts of two-dimensionality, Cyclonus's addiction, the incompetence and mental instability… all because there was a hangar full of Fluff, some of which had been scattered through the base in the crash; the rest would have started drifting through the vents after the ventilation system (with the air) was installed. Though not in itself immediately harmful, Fluff is a powerful mind-altering substance; presumably the Minicons were planning to use it for some kind defence.

It doesn't explain anywhere near most of the odd events, of course, but it's good to be rid of one source of trouble. We cleaned the hangar out; inevitably, some of it got to us. It went straight to our processors, of course: I seem to recall discussing Starscream and a unanimous vote to arrange a family reunion for him (whether this was the fluff or natural malice speaking is questionable). Someone composed messages to Thundercracker and Skywarp (allegedly from Starscream) inviting them to a reunion.

Of course, now I come to think of it, Thundercracker… disappeared… quite some time ago, so there was no point in sending him an invitation. Ah, well. Minor errors.

**Laserbeak's Journal**

**(Day 58)**

Primus, have I mentioned I love you? I'm back to my old self (literally) and it feels fantastic! I'm going to go find a mirror and preen for a few hours.

**Cyclonus's Journal **

**Day 59**

Skywarp sent a message about the invitation we sent him. He said sorry, but he can't come unless he gets the OK from his superiors, and even then he'd have trouble getting here. And he has to catalogue his shrapnel collection urgently. And if he forgot himself and sent some kind of bomb instead of a present, it's not his fault because there's a lot of temporary amnesia going round on Cybertron right now.

There was a box with the message. I left it outside Starscream's door.

**Starscream's Log**

**(Day 59)**

My self-designated 'sister' won't stop calling. Cyclonus won't stop giggling. My mind won't stop flashing back to nauseating scenes involving the humans and I don't know how to stop angsting. Did I mention my new stalker is driving me insane?

Any more of this – any more – and I swear, I'll have no option but to fake my own death.

And I do mean 'fake', not 'achieve', the way certain people seem only too eager to help me with. (Just what I need: a slagging great hole in the door.)

**Cyclonus's Journal **

**Day 60**

I heard Starscream recording his entry yesterday and he said something about his own death. So I don't think I'll tell him about Skywarp finding the stalker today and killing her. He might cheer up and call it off.

We found a load of Fluff stuffed in one of the walls. The sausage (hadn't seen that in a while) is using it as a nest. We were gonna clear it out, but Wheeljack reckons it keeps the little slagger friendly, so we closed the panel up again and left it alone. At least that's one thing explained: I never knew sausages hibernated before.

**Sideways' Report**

**(Day 60)**

For a converted asteroid, this base isn't half bad. I've captured whatsherface, and strung her up on the wall. (It seemed like the right thing to do.) Now she keeps shouting at me to let her go (why she's wasting her energy like that, I couldn't say) until I knock her out. That's enjoyable enough, of course, but Fate had better get on and sort out the paperwork so I can kill her. She reckons there's a rescue party coming – and as much as I hate to say it, she may be right. (Last Minute Clauses and such, it says.) Even we can't get past bureaucracy.

**Prime's Log **

(Day 60)

Sadly, poor Nightfang's been abducted by Sideways, and we have no idea where to. She's probably dead again. Oh well.

Of course, Hot Shot's suddenly gone deranged and demanded we go rescue her, but my newly-restored SPS tells me that this would be the greatest mistake of my life (and I've made a few). I told him bluntly that it wasn't worth bothering, but he seemed so upset I took pity on him and said he could go if he liked. Now he's gone haring off to find her. It's only a matter of time before he falls over a cliff or runs into a wall and knocks himself unconscious, tearing about like that. It'll keep him out of trouble, I suppose.

**Cyclonus's Journal **

**Day 61**

When I get back to base, I'm hitting my bunk and not getting up 'till Demolisher makes me. I went to the Kidnappers Anonymous meeting and it was pretty fun, even if it was half full of squishies. Like, there was one guy who said he was Sideways from another universe, and he talked about how he couldn't stop catching humans and turning them into robots. Then another guy –like a human-size robot – said it knew exactly what he meant, only with Cybermen. And they wound up hugging. It's a good thing they didn't mind if you laughed (they had a whole room for mad laughter, seriously), 'cause I did it a lot.

And then there was a cream and purple guy who walked in before he realised he was in the wrong room. The organiser gave him directions to Geocides Anonymous. Wonder what that is?

Bleh, tired…

**Thrust's Journal**

**(Day 61)**

-suppose if this transmission gets through, the others will know what happened if I don't return, at least. Anyway:

Somehow I've gone from assembling the Hydra Cannon (and wondering how I could mislay Skyboom and the Star Sabre) to being kidnapped by the Requiem Blaster. Suddenly it's learned to fly and wants me to go and help Sideways do something, because it's my destiny, I think. And here I thought the Space Team were physicists, not mystics.

Normally, of course, I wouldn't mind being told about my destiny. But the fact they feel it necessary to force me to it at gunpoint is… somewhat less than reassuring.

**Cyclonus's Journal **

**Day 62**

I was coming back into the base yesterday, when I saw Thrust flying off with the Requiem Blaster, so I went after him to see what was going on (he wouldn't answer his comlink). He was going too fast for me: I just about managed to follow him to some asteroid. He went inside these caves and I sneaked after him. (Yeah, I'd make a good stealth 'copter.)

Thrust was arguing with Sideways and the Blaster (hey, that's what it looked like: the gun was floating on its own!) and that Autobot jet – the black one – was hung up on the wall. I was gonna sneak over and kick her a bit (all the trouble that brat's given me's gotta be worth some payback) when Hot Shot ran in (from the other side of the room). He came outta nowhere and charged at Thrust 'n' Sideways. So then I was gonna shoot _him_¸ but that combiner- Perceptor – leapt out and clobbered him. I'm not joking! He hit Hot Shot over the back of the head with the Star Sabre, then turned round and yelled at me to help get the Autobot out of there.

Hey, _you_ argue with a scary Minicon guy waving a sword!

So I spent half the night carrying a napping Autobot and a bunch of Minicons down to Earth and then bringing the Star Sabre back to base. Then Starscream caught me coming in and wanted to know what I was doing with the sword. I got lucky: the Minicons transformed and glomped him on the face, so I ran for it.

And that's my report. So Demolisher, just read this and don't wake me again. A guy's gotta get some recharge in, y'know…

**Thrust's Journal**

**(Day 62)**

What a waste of time. If that was my destiny, it certainly wasn't worth all the work I've put into it. Never mind, there'll be others.

All they wanted was my help in terminating a prisoner - hardly a difficult task, now, is it? I thought I heard Hot Shot yell at one point, but if he was there, he's dead by now. The prisoner self-destructed while I was arguing with Sideways. The entire asteroid was reduced to pebbles; if the Race Team hadn't combined and flown in front of us, we wouldn't have fared much better. As things went, I had Sideways smeared all over me (an _amazing_ self-defence reflex: shifting to goop mode) on the way back to base, and I didn't dare warp in after he re-materialised (coming in with a pair of super-weapons and our least popular enemy: not how I want Megatron to catch me).

Oh, and he went on about us making a great team and how we should all work together more often (the damn Minicons kept agreeing with him just to annoy me, I'm sure). I think he hit his head in the explosion.

**Downshift's Log**

**(Day 62)**

All that trouble, and Nightfang does our job for us (kinda what she was trying to do all along, huh). I can still hear her last words about destroying Unicron, no matter what. And I still can't stop wondering how she couldn't tell the difference between Unicron and the common asteroid.

Of course, then she tried to use her super unexplained powers and got blown apart, thanks to our 'modifications'. Like we wouldn't take precautions against those?

So now things are back on track and we're back to being wired into the Decepticons' new toy. If we hadn't got built-in video games last week, I think Dirt Boss would've driven us all nuts by now.

**Cyclonus's Journal **

**Day 63**

Ever felt like something really important's happened and nobody's noticed?

I mean, I kinda thought the stuff I saw the other day might be important, but no-one's even bothered reading the report; Megatron and Thrust haven't stopped running around making us work (I heard we're nearly ready to take off). If they catch me doing this instead of checking the engines, I'm fragged.

Eh, who cares? It's all over now, anyway: we're gonna leave this stupid planet behind in a couple of hours.

Forget about this mudball; we're going _home_!

Aw, slag: Wheeljack's coming. Back to work!

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**Editor's notes**

From here on, the personal logs of the persons involved reflects fully the official records. The events surrounding the end of the war are well documented and well known; anyone needing to refresh their memory can examine the records to their spark's content.

The story as told here, of course, is not complete: it remains for me to tie up the loose ends and provide a few (possibly relevant) points of interest for the reader.

The circumstances and conditions of Starscream's death have been a subject of fascination, speculation, analysis and heated debate ever since the event itself. No doubt the extracts from his personal logs included here will only fuel the discussion, particularly the statements in his entry for day 59.

Contacting Hot Shot, he informed us that he did, eventually, track down the mech who sold him the faulty memory blocks; as investigation by this mech and Red Alert showed nothing wrong with the blocks, he was unable to claim compensation.

A couple of years after the end of this record, official news sources reported the successful conclusion of the peace process on Vector, following lengthy negotiations by a diplomatic team headed by Murkfoil, a distinguished member of the Cybertronian Diplomatic Corps. I believe this adequately matches the conditions of the prophecy issued by Oraclear – and so do they: their entire staff came out of hiding afterwards to claim credit for it.

The sausage is believed to be hibernating on Earth's moon, if it hasn't starved to death. No evidence has been found to suggest that it followed the Decepticons onto their ship when they left.

The Minicon Shortstraw successfully made a new life for herself on Earth. At the time of writing, she is believed to be running a fish-and-chip shop (see glossary) on the Terran continent of Europe, as well as some small-scale smuggling activities on the side. She is also being sought by local law enforcement, charged with angling without a licence.

Cyclonus himself is of course alive and well, and agreed to the publication of this report in exchange only for a share of any profits made as a result, and that I call Hot Shot a slag-sucking moron at some point.

I hope that this report proves useful and (possibly) enlightening to its readers, and I'd like to thank Armourhide for his editorial advice.

-Laserbeak, Cybertronian Intelligence Division


End file.
